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Ricky Gervais' Best Barbs
January 15, 2012
Although he said "I'm not gunning to ruin anyone's night. I never mean to offend, I just happen to. It's something about me" on the red carpet, Ricky Gervais laid waste to star-filled international ballroom from the moment he hit the Golden Globes stage, opening with: "Tonight you get England's biggest comedian, hosting the second biggest award show on America's fourth biggest network."
Here are the rest of his most biting comments -- updated throughout the show!
"The Golden Globes are to the Oscars as Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton, essentially. A bit louder, a bit trashier, bit drunker and more easily bought. Allegedly!"
On Eddie Murphy bailing on hosting The Oscars:
"When the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you, you know you're in trouble."
On Justin Bieber's paternity test:
"What a waste of a test that would be. No. He's not the father. The only way he could have impregnated a girl is if he used one of Martha Stewart's turkey basters."
After introducing Melissa McCarthy as the actress who defecated in a sink:
"Amazingly that's still less demanding than what most of you have done to make it in show business."
The long list of rules The Hollywood Foreign Press gave to Ricky ended with, Don't mention Mel Gibson's private life, politics, films or Jodie Foster's Beaver. To which he added, "I haven't seen it. I've spoken to a lot of guys here. They haven't seen it either."
Madonna was the only star to dish it back to Ricky. Following his snarky invocation of Like A Virgin during her introduction, Madonna said, "If I'm still just like a virgin, Ricky, then why don't you come over here and do something about it. I haven't kissed a girl in a few years!"