Jamie McCarthy/ Valerie Macon/ Getty Images
What?! Courtney Love is Lilo 's Sober Coach
It’s like Courtney Love is asking me to openly mock her. In what is sure to result in 15-car pile up or double suicide pact. Courtney Love told the latest issue of Details mag that she is now Lindsay Lohan's sobriety coach.
Uh huh! Best idea ever! I can’t make this sh*t up! That’s like asking Charles Manson to lead my prayer group or the deceased Jeffrey Dahmer to teach my cooking class! All winning ideas!
So why has the fallen rocker taken on such a illustrious role, she says, "I’ve taken up Lohan because nobody else will."
What a martyr! What a slave to the cause! Way to take out the ole sword and fall on it for the good of Lilo!
In the interview, The 47-year-old Hole singer was quick to point out that the 25-year-old law breaker is "further down the line than I was" in her issues, noting that she didn’t have to be under the glare of gossip websites during her wildest days. Uhh – I don’t know Court, I feel like you were pretty far “down the line” during the ‘90s, when the whole world (or at least I) knew you were addicted to heroine, coke and other substances.
Love, who says she’s been clean since 2005 and gives credit to A-list actor Orlando Bloom with helping her sober up, says she uses her own bad experiences with the media to help Lindsay. Here’s a little window into how Lindsay’s new sober sister used her own bouts with bad behavior to help Linze out: Love says, "I went up to Lindsay's room one time and there was a show on called '101 Celebrity Oops' and I am like every other one, you know - boobs out, legs everywhere, throwing s**t at Madonna, you know, whatever.” The former Mrs. Kurt Cobain continued, "I'm like 'Lindsay, look! Drugs are bad!'"
Wow Courtney, drugs ARE bad. So profound! With inspirational words like one can only hope that you are going to be opening up the Courtney Love Clinic in a jiffy.
To be honest, considering she has issues with her daughter, money and other legal matters, Courtney Love seems like she barely has it together, so she doesn’t really seem like the best person to lead Lindsay down the winding road to recovery.
Maybe Lindsay Lohan’s sponsor should be a recovered addict who has her sh*t together and doesn’t take her top off onstage at the tender age of 47. This potential situation seems very much like the blind leading the blind, the destructive leading the destructive, or a middle aged woman (whose face was messed up by too many drugs) leading a 25-year-old woman (whose face was messed up by too many drugs). Please note: I am a vehement supporter of Alcoholics Anonymous and a firm believer that AA and other 12-Step programs save lives, but this intervention doesn't seem like what that is. Courtney Love as someone's sponsor just seems the pot calling the kettle china white.
If this "Lindsay Lohan sober coaching" ends in a fiery ball of meth pipes, prescription drugs, heroin needles, Thunderbird and two OD’d blondes in a furniture-less apartment, I’m not going to say I told you so. Possibly because in this hypothetical scenario Lilo and Courtney are dead.