Say What? Kony Creator Masturbation Allegations
What!? According to NBC San Diego, Mr. Kony 2012/Hot Dad 2012 Jason Russell was allegedly drunk and masturbating in public on Thursday night in San Diego. Yes folks, you read that right -- the 33-year-old co-founder of Invisible Children, which spearheaded the Kony 2012 frenzy about Ugandan war criminal Joseph Kony, was caught (allegedly) making it snow, spanking the monkey, choking the chicken, walking the dog, jerkin’ the gerkin, lubin’ the tube, ticklin’ the pickle -- in public. Yikes! Somewhere in the world, sitting in a toy-filled room brimming with mannequin parts, Paul Reubens doesn’t feel so alone.
Jason Russell, who has two children one of whom is heavily (and adorably) featured in the 30-minute Kony 2012 video, was taken into custody by San Diego cops. Lt. Andra Brown says in addition to allegedly masturbating (yes, there’s more), he reportedly vandalized cars and was possibly under the influence of something. (Uhh lets hope he didn’t do that stuff sober.) What? You get 79 million YouTube hits and you think it’s the effing end of days?! Apparently for one dude when you become an international viral sensation -- LIFE IS A FREE FOR ALL! Hey man, I’m in a YouTube video with 73,000 YouTube hits and you don’t see me running around The Insider news room with nothing but a bra on top of my head and my sense of humor. ‘Cause that would be rude.
"Due to the nature of the detention, he was not arrested," Brown said at a press conference. "During the evaluation we learned we probably needed to take him to a medical facility because of statements he was saying."
When I was watching Kony 2012, yeah I was absolutely horrified by the atrocities in front of my eyes but at one point my brain did wander to the thought: “Hey – this Jason guy is super hot. Plus he is a good person. Plus he is an awesome dad. Maybe the internet discovered the perfect man?” Clearly not! This may be more upsetting than when my grandmother told me that Kurt Cobain killed himself and I responded with: “Was he the cute one?” She had to break my 11-year-old heart, to tell me that my new blue-eyed MTV crush (whom I was totally gonna marry once I graduated sixth grade) had taken his own life. The image of tainted Jason Russell is even more disappointing than that.
While this alleged incident doesn’t change the gravity of the message of Kony 2012, let’s be honest people, this story is weird. Really weird. Crazy weird. Hey, I get being wasted and doing stupid sh*t (I fall down, talk too much and tell my secrets when I’m drunk – but I keep my pants on!). However, this story is on a whole other level of creepy – it’s not quite at the finding-body-parts-in-the-fridge level, but it’s up there.
Ben Keesey, CEO of Invisible Children, just put out a statement, “Jason Russell was unfortunately hospitalized yesterday suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition. He is now receiving medical care and is focused on getting better. The past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate incident yesterday. Jason’s passion and his work have done so much to help so many, and we are devastated to see him dealing with this personal health issue. We will always love and support Jason, and we ask that you give his entire family privacy during this difficult time.”
What kind of statement is that!? I’ve never heard of overwork leading you to overwork your d*ck in public. But hey what do I know? I work 40 hours a week and I only have 73,000 YouTube hits. Whatever happened on Thursday, lets hope Jason gets some help dealing with it -- for his sake and the sake of his family.
Maybe this is an elaborate ploy to take Jason and his Kony hunt down. We should get Jack Bauer or J.B. Fletcher on the case. I know one of them could get to the bottom of it.