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Adam Explains Why He Was So Promiscuous
Adam Levine is the man I love to hate. He is sexy, and he knows it; I know it and I hate myself for it. Once again the Ad Man proved he was a cocky a-hole, when he told Details mag that despite his reputation, he really isn’t a bad guy – and that the reason he has been so promiscuous is that he just loves women so much!
In the interview, Adam talked about his bimbo image, explaining, "There are two kinds of men. There are men who are f**king misogynist pigs, and then there are men who really love women, who think they're the most amazing people in the world. And that's me.” He continued, "Maybe the reason I was promiscuous, and wanted to sleep with a lot of them, is that I love them so much."
Oh my god, really, Adam? Did you really try to justify your reputation of basically sticking it in every willing lady in Hollywood – by saying its because you just looooooooove women so much? Don’t try to justify your slutty behavior by complementing yourself: Oh I yeah I may have had sex bevy of women, but it’s not because I didn’t care about them, it’s because I just cared about them soooo much, because I just have so much to give, and because I am such a wonderful guy! Hey Mr. TightPants, I bet there are a lot of cast off exes, starlets, one night stands, nameless ladies that you bedded that are currently screaming and ripping their hair out at your ridiculously pompous statement. Hey Adam, just admit that you banged a lot of ladies because you like sex with random people!
Kirsten Dunst, Lindsay Lohan, Maria Sharapova and Paris Hilton are just a few of the classy broads that Adam is rumored to have taken to the Bone Yard. In 2007, the Maroon 5 singer with Jagger-like moves, famously bragged to Howard Stern about meeting his then- cocktail waitress girlfriend on her 21st birthday and that, "We had sex the first night we met." Swoon!
Do I seem snarkier than usual? Probably. Because while you may have only known of Adam and his merry men since 2002, when their Songs About Jane album was on repeat for what felt like eternity, I have known Adam basically for eternity. Adam went to my elementary school (he was that lanky kid with the worst acne you’ve ever seen) and high school (he was that popular kid who started the tight pants trend and whose band covered Beatles songs at every pep rally). Adam and the rest of Maroon 5, then Kara’s Flowers, used to strut through the ivy-covered hallways of Brentwood School like they were gods, talk in fake British accents, constantly exclaiming things, “Oh that’s brilliant -- just brilliant!” -- now the world has validated him as such. It just boils my blood! Imagine if the cockiest kid in your high school, who was generally a dick to most people, became – well Adam Levine. Every time I turn on the radio, I hear his whiny voice; every time I turn on the TV, there he is; he is on billboards; he is on magazines; he is everywhere!
I can’t take it anymore! Go away Adam! Stop being everywhere! Stop saying stupid stuff about women! Stop being on billboards! Stop telling the world how great you are! And please stop dancing around with that lithe, tatted-up body of yours and in those tight pants and making me want to make out with you! It’s not fair! Your being so devilishly sexy just really f*cks up my sense of self!
Oh, but whatever you do, please don’t stop having moves like Jagger, 'cause I really like that song.
Love and hypocrisy,