The Insider.com

Britney Spears seems to have come into her own this year, but the mom of two and soon-to-be newlywed reveals she's not as put together as she appears to be.

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While we're still a few days away from seeing the pop star in action as an X Factor judge, talk of Spears' odd behavior and spontaneous breaks during filming of the show had many speculating the 30-year-old singer was not yet ready to hit the spotlight following a few rough years. Although she doesn't venture to comment on rumors she is breaking under the pressure of her duties on the show, Spears conceded to being "extremely nervous" on the first day of auditions in October's issue of ELLE magazine.

"I was having panic attack after panic attack," she admitted.

In particular, Spears reveals that breaking the hearts of auditioning youngsters was at the forefront of her fears, but says she "quickly" got over it. "[I] realized that I was helping them by being honest."

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Show creator and co-judge Simon Cowell was quick to jump to her defense when asked about her "wobbly" beginning. "On the first day, one hundred percent she didn't think she was going to be able to do this. It's the Roman Colosseum—five thousand people booing if you say no. But I'm seeing this woman blossom week by week doing this. I think she's going to be good for the show, and I think the show is going to be good for her."

As for another aspect of Spears' life that's come to blossom in recent months—her relationship with fiancé Jason Trawick—the notoriously private star and her husband-to-be lent some insight into the couple's romantic beginnings.

"It was kind of one of those things where she moved, like, turned around, so we were face-to-face, " revealed Trawick of the moment Spears made the first move on him during a screening of "one of the Chucky movies" in Las Vegas.

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When he began to detail more of their transition from friends to lovers, she was quick to stop him from revealing anything juicy.

"Okay, that's enough information, sweetie," Spears interrupted. "It was sweet, just say that."

You can read more of this interview and see the complete photo spread of Spears and Trawick in ELLE magazine when the October issue hits newsstands September 18.